Battle Bars™

🍫 Battle Bars (The “This Is Definitely Candy but We’re Not Mad” Edition)

Battle Bars are the only protein bars on the market that taste so good, it feels like you should have to show ID. They’re packed with 18g of protein, collagen, antioxidants, and flavor that’s honestly suspicious. Like… how the hell does a protein bar this clean taste like dessert? Someone in that production facility deserves a raise. And probably a medal.

We ship every bar direct from the manufacturer, not some warehouse that smells like gun oil and broken dreams. No middlemen. No stale stock. Just ultra-fresh, guilt-free ammo for your gains.

We didn’t land this brand by cold email. We earned it the way you’re supposed to—wandering the SHOT Show 2024 floor with our high-speed advisor, a man who’s killed enough Russians to not care what any rule says. That path led us to a booth where @gerardvsevil (Gerard Michaels) was somehow still able to crack jokes that would get most people deleted off the internet, and @mickeygall—sure, he’s beaten people unconscious on ESPN, but the real knockout was how fast we knew we’d found our people.

That’s how we do business—protein, punchlines, and possible criminal records.

So yeah, if you think your over-processed gas station bar is “just as good,” go ahead and choke it down between sets. The rest of us will be over here eating Battle Bars, lifting heavy, laughing harder, and operating just on the edge of HR-violating behavior.

And listen—we know Gerard and Mickey are the faces. They’re not back there mixing batches and weighing macros. The real MVPs are the Battle Bars production crew, because these things don’t just taste good—they taste too good. Like “this should be contraband at a fat camp” good.

🔗 Battle Bars Brand Page

From S’mores to Cinnamon Roll, every flavor is a WMD against sad-tasting nutrition.
battlebars.com – For warfighters, gym rats, and meme lords who need protein without punishment.

🍬 Flavor Loadout:

• S’mores – So good it triggers core memories. And core workouts.
• Blueberry – Fresh AF. Even if your lifting form isn’t.
• Cinnamon Roll – One bite away from abandoning your meal plan and blaming us.

🛠️ Customer Service

Got a question? Just don’t ask if it’s keto.
Email: [email protected]

🚚 Shipping

Ships direct. Always fresh.
Never sits in a warehouse next to tactical fidget spinners and motivational water bottles.

📬 Contact Battle Bars

Email: [email protected]
Website: battlebars.com
Instagram: @battle_bars_
Location: Wherever clean nutrition and questionable levels of flavor are forged in secret